pokemon-vape

Which Pokémon Is Most Likely to Vape? | CBR

All Pokémon, big or small, are Arceus’ precious creatures. From the towering Tyrantrum to the tiniest Spritzee, Pokémon fight hard and play hard for their beloved Trainers every day. Many believe that Pokémon don’t mind the constant battles, the tireless travel and the cramped Pokéballs that make up their daily lives…and those people would be correct – they don’t.

Pokémon are sweet, innocent companions that take their licks without complaining. But, eventually, every Pokémon needs a moment to relax, to decompress and just chill out. So what do these superpowered pets do when it’s all too much? Well, no one really knows. But, here are the Pokémon that would vape, if they could.

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Hear this one out. Most people think of Mr. Mime as a weird, creepy Pokémon with a weird, creepy grin. But it’s a mime. Mimes are constantly smiling and performing, entertaining the masses for hours on end. But Mr.Mime has to do all of that and fight its Trainer’s battles, too – that’s gotta be tough. Mr. Mime smiles because that’s the only way it can keep from crying every time a clever so-and-so jokes about how strange it looks. It’s under constant pressure, constant stress, so of course it would vape. What better way for a mime to let off steam?

One would assume that Treecko would be higher on the list, but there’s a very good reason why it’s not: weed. Yeah, Treecko would hit the vape, but it comes off as more of a straight-up weed sort of guy. “Tree” is literally the first part of its name. More than that, it wouldn’t just be a weed guy, but a weed purist. If it’s not pure grass, this Grass-Type would surely have some reservations about smoking it. It’d be that guy on the couch, sitting in its own haze, going on about the health benefits of weed and how it expands your mind and how “you gotta stop smoking that vape stuff man, it’s bad for you.” But, when the roaches run out, even Treecko would think that vape pen looks pretty good.

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Similar to Treeko, Shuckle would definitely choose weed over a vape pen. Instead of being a weed purist, tough, Shuckle is more likely to be the “Hits The Blunt Guy.” The constant far-off look on its face says as much. The “Hits The Blunt Guy” is usually that dude who, after a puff or two, suddenly opens their Third Eye and realizes all sorts of things about the world. Except, not really. “Hits The Blunt Guy’s” greatest observations include such gems as “if you think about it, the brain named itself,” “what if soy milk is regular milk introducing itself?” and the perennial “technically, all cheese is holy.”

That said, Shuckle would still vape, just not with a pen. According to the Pokédex, Shuckle keeps and does all kinds of things in its shell. So, rather than using a vape pen, Shuckle would vape hash in its shell. Genius.

Krookodile, the Intimidation Pokémon, is one shady character. Its sunglasses-like eyes bring to mind the type of person that loiters in back alleys, picking fights with passerby and spray painting brick walls. Actually, being a Dark-Type, Krookodile probably does do all those things, Dark-Types are hardcore. Krookodile’s eternal quest to prove that it’s Not Your Mama’s Pokémon definitely makes it likely to vape. Plus, having built-in sunglasses means no one could spot its red eye.

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Sure, Seismitoad looks a little…odd, what with those spheres of flesh gyrating all over its body, but look closer: it’s totally high. Those red eyes and that look on its face are dead giveaways. Seismitoad’s been hitting the vape excessively and, what’s more, it hasn’t kept the smoke out of its eyes. With this one, the question isn’t whether it would vape – by the looks of it, Seismitoad already does vape. But maybe it should lay off for a while, see if that redness clears up.

Morgrem would definitely vape. Just look at that face, it’s practically screaming “wanna take a hit off my Juul, bro?” Morgrem wouldn’t just vape, no, he’d vape enthusiastically – like a cartridge-inclined version of Treecko, but way more annoying. Conversations would quickly devolve into a barrage of product recommendations and displays of smoke puffing prowess. No thanks, Morgrem, and please keep that Juul to yourself.

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According to the Pokédex, Komala “remains asleep from birth to death as a result of the sedative properties of the leaves that form its diet.” So, canonically speaking, Komala is already always high. It’s a pretty chill little guy, so flipping between edibles and vaping would be no big deal. Either way, Komala’s gonna ride that high until the day it literally dies.

Snorlax is the ultimate chill Pokémon. Up until recently, it fought all of its battles sitting or lying down, probably only standing up to finish them faster and get back to sleep. Since Snorlax’s life is all about kicking back and taking it easy, it’s a given that it would vape. Just be careful not to ruin its high.

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One look at that Slowpoke’s dopey face and it’s obvious: this Pokémon would vape if it could. But Slowpoke acts so strung out already. It moves slowly, reacts slowly and has brief moments of clarity that’re quickly swallowed by its mental daze – all it’s missing is a vape pen. But, then again, while Slowpoke would vape, maybe it shouldn’t. The Dopey Pokémon needs all the brain cells it can get.

It’s shaped like a bong and the question is whether or not it would vape? Come on. Just…come on.

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Across the generations, Pokémon fans have always wanted to know: which Pokémon are puffing that vape?

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